Eternity's Gone Away
by ayiiiofficial
Summary: "I am not a big believer but if I was, I would sure as hell believe in Justin Bieber. Okay, I'm just kidding, here's the serious ending..." One Shot : Ruka's POV


**Eternity's Gone Away**

* * *

I'm not a big believer. I don't even believe that there is a God. That's how much of a jerk I am. But at times like this, you just need to hang on to some celestial being, you know? When all hope is lost and not even actual human beings can save you, you rely on that invisible One. Who ever the hell that One is, I don't know where You are or what You are doing now, I need You. She needs You. A lot of people need You. This is the part in our lives wherein we can only hope for a miracle. Get A's in tests. Get a good degree. Bring home the bacon. Bring back the dead. Cure the incurable cancer. Remove poverty. Erase all kinds of sin. Unless we find out who that celestial being is, unless we believe that there is such, we can only hope that It can hear us. We can only hope that It would answer our prayers. Right now, that's all I'm doing.

But it's not working. I know it will never work.

People usually look back and feels miserable. I look back and I know doing so would not turn back time. Believe me, I've tried.

* * *

**Three Days Ago**

"FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, MIKAN." I know he is just kidding around because he's drunk as hell. The term's about to end and everyone is up in boozes. I had my last drink. My first and last actually. I am not a drinker. Crap, I feel so dizzy. I see stars, or light bulbs, or whatever they are. Mikan's passed out. Natsume is about to pass out as well. I'm tired. I'm heading home. "Okay, I better head home."

"Not too drunk are you, Ruka?" Natsume swings an arm around me.

"I'm fine, man." Yes, I am not drunk. I do not want to be. I remember the last time heading home. Actually, I don't. But I remember clearly that I woke up on the sidewalk. I got colds that day too. Natsume smells of booze and good perfume. He smells good.

"You know, Ruka. If gay marriage were legal in this damn country, I'd marry you no problem." He makes me blush. He's drunk right? He is? I snatch a kiss from him on the lips. "Mmm." He breathes and we stop our little heaven. "Don't get too drunk, Natsume."

"Why'd you stop?"

"Just because your girlfriend has passed out because of too much drinking doesn't mean-" He's looking at me with those eyes again.I hate it when I give in to him. He makes me so vulnerable that everything is inevitable. I don't know why. I guess it's what love does to us, to me. I look at the girl sleeping- her head is on the table, exhausted, and soon she'll be waking up wondering where her boyfriend would be. She will wonder where he went and would ask me. I would lie. Again. For the hundredth time. I would lie for my heart's sake. For the sake of my happiness.

I would betray the trust she bestowed on me. Poor Mikan. She doesn't know a little, dirty secret of mine. This secret that only I and Natsume know. A secret, that I'm afraid, would be exploited and cause an eternity's worth of damage.

"No." I lie again.

"Why not? She won't know. She-"

"No."

"You're no fun, Ruka."

How you tempt me. I kiss him on the lips once more and I make my way to the exit. "Take care of Mikan." I tell him before I leave the place. I step out and the cool breeze greets me. It's a little past midnight and the night is still young. I think I want ice cream.

It's always been a dream of mine that Natsume would leave his girlfriend and chase after me. But, it's just a dream. I love Mikan. I really do. And I am not lying. She's like a sister to me, the sister I never had actually and just seeing her and Natsume together makes me happy as hell. Ironically, it breaks my heart all the same.

Love hurts.

_"RUKA." I turn around and Natsume is running after me. He's got this goofy grin on his face and I know that my heart would break any minute._

_"You look happy. What is it? You got under Gino's sleeves?"_

_"NO. I and Mikan are going out!" And my heart sunk. My knees feel so weak. I want to cry. Actually, I am._

_"You sly bastard."_

_"You're crying? Out of glee? Jeez, you can be so gay sometimes, Ruka."_

_"I am happy as hell for you. I just want to die that you finally found someone you can... you-" He gives me a hug, a tight one. And I know that he is sorry that he and I could never be together._

Love is happiness at its peak.

_I am sitting on the bench here at Sakura Park. Sakura Park, what a classic name. A name given because of the cherry blossoms around the area. Classic, really. They should just name it Everyone's Garden or something. Or their last name then the word Garden or Park or Vicinity. Someone's Vicinity. Now that is a unique name. I look at the children playing around because I remember how I used to be like those kids._

_"Hey." He appears beside me._

_"Oh. You. Is Mikan with you?"_

_"Nah, she's gone outing with her family. I miss her, though."_

_"Then call her, leave her a message or something? What ever you crazy-in-love couples do these days."_

_"I just called her a few minutes ago. But I try to remove the 'over' from 'overprotective'."_

_"You're like her dad."_

_"I have you know that her dad is nothing like a dad. It's like he's her boyfriend or something and that creeps the shit out of me."_

_And I laugh. And I fall in love again._

_"Want to grab for a snack?" He asks me._

_"I'm starving, thanks."_

_"I'm glad I found you, Ruka."_

_"I'm glad you found me too, Natsume." And I am in Cloud 9 once again._

Love is complicated. It frustrates you at times but then it'd find ways to make you feel the emotion again.

_"GET THE HELL OUT." I screamed at him again. I hate his attitude now. He's drunk again. He and Mikan had a fight. If I were in Natsume's place, I wouldn't solve this crap by drinking. "NATSUME."_

_"SHE LEFT ME. THAT BITCH."_

_"SHE DIDN'T LEAVE YOU, YOU BLOODY BASTARD. YOU LEFT HER."_

_"NO. I WOULDN'T."_

_"THEN WHERE ARE YOU NOW?"_

_And he stayed silent. He's sitting on the floor now, hands on his face, and knees to his chest. Oh Natsume. I sit in front of him._

_"I- I have reasons."_

_"And she has too."_

_"I love her." I love you , Natsume._

_"She," the word stings, the word is bitter, "loves you." My heart breaks once again. The pain of knowing that I and Natsume can never be legally together. I thought that a certain god wishes for his creatures to be happy, to love, and be loved. To be together. Why can his creatures, the ones ruling this forsaken country, see that? I want to be with Natsume and I know that he would want the same too. But for now... "Natsume, you have to return to Mikan."_

_"But I'll always come after you. I'll always come looking for you."_

_"I know that, Natsume. But, you can't. We shouldn't."_

_"Shh..." He lands his finger on my lips and our little heaven has begun._

Love is everything pounded into one.

_"RUKA! RUKA!" _But, this time, I am not imagining it. "RUKA! RUKA!" I turn around and find him running after me. Then I remember her. Mikan. The girl who stole him away but I don't even have the heart to get angry with her or hate her because Mikan has that effect on me. Natsume is one lucky and stubborn bastard to have her and yet leave her at the same time. Leave her for me.

"Natsume, is Mikan with you?"

"I left her."

"WHAT?"

"I left her. For you."

"NO."

"But we always wanted this, Ruka. You, me, and eternity. Why are you saying 'no'?"

"BECAUSE MIKAN."

"Mikan?"

"YOU. AND MIKAN. YOU. The both of you are so freaking perfect- made for each other, in fact. It's a blessing, you have no idea. And she's really in love with you. I can see it in her eyes. You'd be a fool if you left her for me. She's got you spinning around and you don't even recognize it because you are too caught up in my world. We're too attached, Natsume. And you need to see things other than a hue of gold. With Mikan, gold is not just a hue or a speck of bright color yellow, gold is a gem- the real thing."

"You're too drunk, Ruka."

"I'm not the one who left their girlfriend."

"You don't have one."

"EXACTLY, NATSUME. EXACTLY. No run back to Mikan before we get involved in this mess. I don't want to hurt Mikan."

"You love her."

"OF COURSE I DO. But not in the way that you are thinking."

"Then-"

"Drop this subject, Natsume. Run back to Mikan before I-" And the unthinkable happens, well I thought about it all along with perfect timing, aura, and everything. And this absolutely not part of the scenarios in my head. He grabs hole of my head and kisses me on the lips. Hard but familiar. I don't even remember where we are or what time it is or if we're in public or not. Are people watching us? I suddenly feel conscious and- I pull away.

"NATSUME."

He grabs me and kisses me once more. Okay, thrice in one night? He's definitely drunk.

"Mikan." He says between kisses. There's this huge lump on my throat and I think I'm going to cry. I push him away. Gently and slowly this time.

"I love you, Natsume. And you love me too. But our love for each other. It- It just doesn't collide perfectly. It doesn't match. We don't connect."

"Ruka, what are you saying?"

"We're just not made for each other."

"You're my best friend, Ruka." _That's all I'll ever be._

"Yes, and you i, Natsume. And you... I."

* * *

**Two Days Ago**

It feels good waking up from deep slumber. One in the afternoon. Oh man. My head's pounding and my stomach is in notches. I head to the bathroom and wash my face. Man. I look wasted. I my phone buzzing on the bed. I remember last night. I remember that argument and how my heart ached terribly. I reach for my phone and the call stopped.

167 MISSED CALLS.  
87 TEXT MESSAGES.

DUDE. Stalker much? Panic much? What the- I open the Missed Calls tab and they're all from MIKAN SAKURA. Oh. I am in deep shit. I open the Message tab and open the first message.

_From: Mikan Sakura  
Subject: Hi  
Sent: 12:01am ; June 13, 2012_

_Hey, Ruka. Just checking in. You and Natsume were gone when Hotaru woke me up. Where r u? Text back._

Then the second one:

_From: Mikan Sakura  
Subject: Text back?  
Sent: 12:31am ; June 13, 2012_

_I and Hotaru left the bar and I'll be staying at her place. Hope Natsu is with you. xoxo_

Then the third, I'm getting nervous every time:

_From: Mikan Sakura  
Subject: Hotaru's Place  
Sent: 12:45am ; June 13, 2012_

_I'm in Hotaru's place now. Text back, please? Worried girlfriend here. Natsume's not answering either._

Then the fourth:

_From: Mikan Sakura  
Subject: Whereabouts  
Sent: 12:50am ; June 13, 2012_

_Natsume's not answering his phone. You are not replying. Please tell me you guys are safe. OR if you guys transferred to another bar. Sorry, worried. x_

Screw this. I scan the messages and Mikan's really worried about Natsume and his whereabouts. He must be home sleeping. He's always-

_RUKA. NATSUME'S BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT._

The 60th message reads. SHIT. HOLY SHIT.

I scan her other messages too.

_RUKA, PLEASE ANSWER ME._

_RUKA. IT'S AN EMERGENCY._

_PICK UP YOUR DAMN PHONE, RUKA._

_HE'S IN A CRITICAL CONDITION. HEAD HIT. PLEASE, RUKA._

_FUCK THIS RUKA. YOU ARE HIS BEST FRIEND DAMMIT. WHERE ARE YOU_

The next message is the hospital where they are in. I run. I don't even think twice. I place the phone in my pocket and sprint out. I take the stairs and leap at the third to the last step. My mind is blank right now. Didn't Natsume head back to Mikan? Well obviously he did not. Why the hell would he be so reckless? My mind returns back to the argument last night. How he and I were never meant to be together.

How a certain being is laughing his ass off because of our misery. Laughing and saying "You can never fall in love. It is forbidden."

Then why didn't you make a brain that is programmed to just love the opposite sex?

Why make free will?

Why make your first creatures sin?

Why did you not make us perfect? To laugh out faces? To make us struggle? To punish us for being weaklings?

Why did you just not make a perfect world and leave yourself as the only perfect one?

Are you some kind of joke?

I reach hospital grounds and run to the front desk.

"Hyuuga Natsume. Please?"

The lady looks at me and I don't know where I am anymore.

* * *

**Yesterday**

Your hands are cold, Natsume. And the place around you feels cold. The world is cold now. It is not a beautiful place to live in. These scenarios are cliche. This whole world is a huge cliche. MY life is a cliche. It is a disaster too. I have to look at you and I die so many times and now, I am dead. Dead in the sense that I want to die because I am not technically dead. Dead in the sense that I can't live, I have no purpose in life because my whole freaking purpose in life is to be by your side laughing, shitting, crying, and be terribly happy.

Natsume, you selfish bastard.

I look at you one more time and I just died a thousand deaths.

We won't have eternity anymore. We won't be having our little Cloud 9. There will be that secret of ours but with you gone, the secret has served its purpose. I will be holding on to that secret because it is a bridge that connects me to you.

Dear Natsume, wherever you are. Don't mess the place up.

* * *

**Today**

"Ruka." I wake up with the sound of her voice. "Come on. You need to rest." Mikan. Her. I want to stay mad with her forever for entering this world. But I can't. Because she has that effect on me. There is no other reason to explain. There are just some people in this world you can't even drop a bit of hatred on them.

"Aren't you saddened? Upset? Angry with the world?"

"I am, Ruka." She sits beside me and I wipe my eyes. I am tried. Tired from crying. From hugging. FROM THINKING. "But, what's inevitable is inevitable. You can't avoid it. You can move on, yes. And it's the only solution we have now. I'm sorry, Ruka."

"Why? I should be sorry. Sorry as hell. You two are like Adam and Eve. Perfect or something."

"We're all perfect in our little ways, Ruka."

And I understood it. Everyone has a touch of perfection in them.

"Natsume is not completely perfect, I am not completely perfect. You are not perfect either, Ruka. But we can make things perfect. Perfect in our ways."

"I am not having this lecture, Mikan. I'm sorry. I am just so depressed."

"Natsume loved you, Ruka."

"I know."

"I saw it in his eyes."

"Yeah, well. He would always come back to you."

"No, Ruka. He never came back. He was always with you."

"So cliche, Mikan."

"But life is full of cliches, Ruka."

I look at Mikan and I put myself in Natsume's place. I've fallen for Mikan as well. Maybe this is how Natsume felt when he first fell in love with Mikan.

_"She's the one, Ruka. She really is. No one's ever made me feel this way before. She's an angel. She knows how I feel, how to cheer me up, how.. I don't know."_

Yeah, I understand you, Natsume. You are a fool for leaving her.

* * *

I am not a big believer but if I was, I sure as hell would believe in Justin Bieber. BELIEBERS 5ever.

* * *

Okay, here's the serious ending:

I am not a believer... but if I was, I would hold on to the thought that Natsume's gone somewhere on Earth and he would return and laugh at our faces for thinking that he's gone for good.

Well Natsume, jokes on you, bastard. I am waiting for you and my future wife too.


End file.
